So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
