Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
