I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
how drunk are you?
Several
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
