roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
