He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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