he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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