I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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