Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
