I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
