The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
