i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
