turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
