we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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