Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
