i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
