Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
