So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
