my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
