literally had 100 drinks last night.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Green mimosas i think yes
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Drake has all the answers
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
