May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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