Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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