just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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