Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
