she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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