Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
