anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
