he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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