He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
