i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
