Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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