Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
