I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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