Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
