I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
