All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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