What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
