Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize