Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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