She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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