Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
