Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
