mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
