my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
