Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
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it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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