I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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