I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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