i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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