she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
