if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
