If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Do vagina's smell?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
