batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
