You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
