I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
