I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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