Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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