just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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