peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
