we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
